Press X to Doubt

Friends, it's confession time: I have slowly returned to social media (though in my defense a slow September return was in the plan all along). In returning it has flared up the problems in me that have existed all along: doubt and disappointment in my art.

To be fair, this isn't the result of social media. These are issues that have existed in me and my relationship to my art for a long time, and posting to socials just highlights it because when it's just me and my art I can sort of ignore those bad feelings. But when I have to be vulnerable and post work I'm not totally satisfied with, but done with for now, I am exposing myself to the world. And that's horrifying. And then I'm immediately hit with the work of people doing what I wish I could do now.

In the midst of this, I've returned to a favourite art advice book of mine, Art & Fear by David Bayles & Ted Orlando.

Unfortunately, there is no easy fix, and all we can do is try to figure out what didn't work this time and try to improve on the next piece a little bit. Which can be incredibly demotivating when you're in that bit of the artist cycle where you're honing in on the flaws to improve on. Being bummed about your art doesn't inspire one to make more, but getting to the point of being less disappointed means making art.

I'm trying to just reiterate that improvement is happening, and to remember the joy is in the making. I'm re-reading Art & Fear and making space for the inner art child that wants to just weep. And I keep pushing on.

By the way if you’re viewing this in e-mail the gallery posts are tiny, but you can click and full size in the web version of this post.

My Comic

Progress on my witch comic (currently titled The Death of Baba Yaga, or DoBY) rolls on. Last month I completed the (rushed) thumbs, and got incredible edits and feedback from Meaghan Carter. Her willingness to help and support in me always astounds and is a bright little light (thanks Meaghan!!! 😭💖).

Last time I said I'd share about the thumbnail process. It can vary from project to project, and on this one it REALLY fought me. The whole process so far has been fighting me, and I suspect part of that is the pressure I'm putting on myself.

But it began like this, as a series of incredibly rough vomit sketches in my sketchbook.At this stage the images need only make sense to me.

I then took this over to my iPad and began pass 2, attempting to polish them a little, but still kind of unsure and failing at it. I didn’t want to flesh them out too much, but I wanted at least some clarity so Meaghan could parse them (but still getting to be loose because I know she could ping me if things gave her trouble).

I finally gave myself a deadline to hand them to Meaghan to look over, and this is how (some) of the edits looked. She even filled in some pages that weren't yet done for me (but had some descriptions of action). Incredibly helpful!

In an ideal world, I would do a couple more passes, and some roughs. My brain fought me a lot on thumbnails because it’s busy trying to tackle it all at once and then I panic and freeze (what do I show? how much of an action do I need to articulate? will the viewer know the movement that happened between panels? have I established the space? what angle should I come in? how close a shot? etc etc). What I will try moving forward is working in passes where each pass perhaps addresses only 1-3 of these things at a time and then move to roughs. But I don’t have more time now. As it is I'm running to pencils and trying to make it work.

Recommendations

I've changed recommendations to just be a list since I need to save the images for the artwork I'm sharing. While substack doesn’t limit it much, email will truncate it and I try to fit it all in.

• 🎥 How to avoid flat lighting in your art - Lighting mentor has a lot of great art videos focused on, well, light. This one was incredibly helpful in thinking about how to light a “scene” in what I’m drawing and breaking it down with film lighting really clicked for me.

• 🎥 Portrait rendering tutorial - Great tutorial from Christophe Young.

• 🎬 Aftersun - Gorgeous movie about making meaning where there is none.

• 🎬 Past Lives - About choosing your life and grieving the ones you let go of. I have been thinking of this movie and Aftersun non-stop since watching them. Cannot recommend them enough.

• 📚 Emily Wilson's translation of The Iliad - classics bros gonna stay mad, but Wilson's translation (I think) keeps true to the heart of homeric intent, and makes these texts more accessible to a wider audience (and more fun).

• 📚 Art & Fear - Already mentioned here, but a book I return to periodically and always find some needed advice.